nothings ok atm...

hi everybody!





so nice u could join me today, well, first of I'd just like to say, I've fucked up big time. And secondly, u shouldnt really be reading this. so please stop. because today, I'm opening up FOR REAL. baring it all. and it's not pretty...



right.....




the pic couldve been, n shouldve been of me...yeah, i HAVE a pic like that. my pic. a real one, of me in that state....kinda. but, noone should have to see me like that, n its not from "this time" anyway...

i fucked up.

i lost it, and, i didnt feel like being strong so i gave up.
yeah. I DIDNT FEEL LIKE BEING STRONG.
didnt FEEL like it.

pathetic.

im still not ok, quite numb, which is nice (oh btw, this was like...15 mins ago?) i think my wrist was a bit sore before, but i cant really tell if its hurting though.

why am i writing this in english? uhm...i kinda hide away from "me" when im like this.. u know, me, bex..no, bexy swedish girl. i dont wanna know myself atm cuz i hate the fact that i fucked up. so i take on my other half, n i might even start tlkin bout myself as seen from another persons eyes... now im bex. n bex is hating bexy, who just screwed up BIG time.

hah... its so stupid. im not even thinking straight now, n theres a reason for that but u dont have to know bout that.

im gonna regret this soo bad when my friends've seen this n seen how i can be.

i know im gonna hurt someone with this, and its sick that im not even satisfied, i could go on n just....destroy myself for a few hours. dont want mum asking questions though. and ive already got my bed bloody so....nah

gosh...

things will start to sink in soon.

yay, wow bex. u fuckin attention-seeker..! u just want people to pity u n feel sry for u, just so u can feel like ur special n shit. hmm, maybe thats true?
maybe this, me doing this, is just an act...to get attention? i dunno. bet it is, i mean, why would i even wanna cut myself? im SO LAME.

big fat failure. oh, and...i understand completely if u dont wanna have anything more to do with me. i wouldnt. its to bad u cant seperate from urself...oh well, nothing to bout it now. whats done is done, n ill just be down for a while. whatever. bye. xx